Wednesday, 27 July 2011

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

So I read somewhere that lady gaga is coming up with a perfume soon and she wants it to smell like blood and semen. (yawn) Don't be shocked. It has been done before. Yes ladies all is not fragrant and lovely in the world of perfumes.
Why you may ask do perfumers and designers come up with these gross compositions that would turn people off.? Well sometimes it's for the shock value alone, and sometimes just for the controversy and history these scents would create.
 Today we will look at some of these in  The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (twilight zone theme)

WARNING: If you get queasy or easily offended, or have just had a big meal stop reading right NOW... I will start off easy.

The first good controversial perfume I know about is Shalimar by Guerlain
google image
This was the bad girl perfume of the 20's. It was said that a lady didn't do three things: smoke, dance the tango and wear Shalimar ..

In the 30's came Tabu by Dana
google image

The forbidden fragrance Tabu was created in 1934, when Perfumer Jean Charles was asked to create a perfume  that a whore would wear. This perfume  created controversy due to it's carnal nature.I can imagine ladies reaching for their smelling salts at this news and fainting in fits of horror. Oh! The utter Shock! The sheer scandal  of it all! Tabu was inspired by the painting"The Kreutzer Sonata" by Rene Prinet with the slogan "The longest kiss in history''.
google images

As the years progressed the shock factor also increased. Now people don't really mind or get offended by intoxicating, heavy orientals, or smoking, or tango come to think of it. Hence comes the shock factor of introducing  animalistic notes.

Serge Lutens Musc kublai khan 
google image
Musc Kublai Khan was launched in 1998 and is supposed  to  smell like a Mongolian warrior. Perfume lovers all over the world have a love-hate relationship with it. Many find it too strong, with a smell of manure, public toilet, dirty body and sweaty horses. And for some, It is raw, sexual and animalic.

Sécrétions Magnifiques by etat libre d'orange

While I haven't had the displeasure of smelling this, Sécrétions Magnifiques by etat libre d'orange is supposed to smell like blood, sweat, sperm, saliva. It's enough to gross anyone out. Blood??! Is it a perfume that a serial killer would wear? If you are still curious to how it smells, below is a review by .
 Secretions, Magnifiques. I guess the name itself says it all. Unless you find bodily secretions pleasurable to smell outside the bedroom, bathroom or emergency room, you might want to skip this fragrance experience.

First of all, what strikes me is the whimsical little penis exploding like a little fountain. Reminds me of those old Disney cartoons where Donald is bathing blissfully, or when the Big Bad Wolf realises he's in some serious hot water. Surely something this cute cant be all that bad, right?

On first application, I couldn't help myself, I blotted it on my wrist and sniffed it straight away before it even had a chance to dry. Nice, a bit of soft musk. Replacing the stopper on the tester, I then went in for a second sniff......and dear god, how I regretted doing that. Immediately, a brick formed in my throat, and my stomach contents were swirling.
If you have ever gutted a fresh fish and rubbed your nose in the innards, thats pretty much what this smells like. Raw, metallic, cold, salty, fleshy and bloody, with the tiniest undercurrent of floral accents straining to take the edge off this being completely and utterly repugnant. If you want to read the full review HERE is the link.

Black Orchid by Tom Ford. I have a mixed feeling about this one. I picked up a sample in a dutyfree and tested it on the plane. Its a mish mash of too many notes all trying to make themselves appear at once. And sometimes it's spicy with hints of very bitter dark chocolate. I'm still undecided.Where is the bad part in this?  Well, *hides face* Tom Ford told the perfumers that it should smell like a man's crotch. Now we  know Tom must know( cough cough) just how that smells.

 Has anyone puked yet? I warned you.
I saved the best worst for last. Are you ready for it? It's called... VULVA... lol I'm not kidding take a look;
check out the logo on the box Ewww! (google image)
Is this not the perviest pic?! I guess it's marketed to creeps who like stealing ladies undies (shudder).

VULVA PERFUMEA company called vivaeros Special Products has developed ascent they call Vulva. That's right, it's a "perfume" that smells like a woman,s privates, but is made for a man. The advertisement video  shows a sweaty personal trainer eyeing a woman's crotch as it hovers above the black curve of a stationery bike. After the woman leaves, the long-haired dude goes and inhales her womanly scent.It's pretty bizarre. But we wonder if all those panty fetishists out there are gonna be real happy (and a lot of young woman who make extra dough selling to these men will be out of a job)
(vulva article courtsey of basenots).

I hope I didn't gross you out too much. Just wanted to share some kinky stuff in the perfume industry. I have to go throw up now :)


Meredith Jessica said...

This post was informative and disgusting all at the same time. God only knows what Gaga's going to dream up and subject us to.

Mania said...

I really hate disgusting perfumes to me they have no purpose ..& I did not know that there are so many of them in the world!shocking is the Tom Ford one which basically people say it's boyfriend scent yikes.. by description I could say that I will star far far from it :) I hope I never pass anyone who is wearing one of those scents ( specially lady gaga one) because I will puke lol
thanks for your great history of disgusting perfume..have a great day hun xoxo

Pyari Beauty said...

As soon as I started reading the sentence about the fish guts I started to feel sick lol. You definitely saved the best perfume until last.

Claudia - Piccolo Spazio Vitale said...

I've heard about the Lady gaga's idea, but i didn't know anything about other perfums like her!
Thank you for sharing!
Follow youuu

Venus In Virgo said...

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beautydiva said...

Lol.... Funny post, very nicely written. Thanks for sharing :D

iheartmexoxo said...

This post was really good. Ive heard alot about tom ford black orchid...never tried it

Shelley said...

Ciao Bella,
Ha ha ha.. this was quite the review...
I am really quite interested in the Shalimar by Guerlain, it does seem something that I would be interested in trying, but all the others ... not so much!! :)
Have a really great day!!
Hugs & Kisses,

Pooja_G said...

I am not sure what to say...YUCKS...PUKE!!PUKE!!! is all I can manage...:|
Fun post btw!!

vertu said...

Lol Lol Lol....your post is really nice.

Scarlett O'Hara said...

Ha, what a unique and fun post!

Pandora`s Box said...

@Meridith Jessica yeah everything she does HAS to be quirky and out of the box so the fragrance would be no surprise.

@Mania Black orchid is actually pretty nice and works well on some people.It's good if you don't read Tom's description of it.

@Pyari beauty I hope you're feelin better now :)

@Claudia yes these disgusting fragrances have been done to the death.

@Venus in Virgo I love your food blog. Finally I can have authentic Italian homecooking.

@beautydiva your welcome :)

@Iheartmexoxo try it if you get the chance. You might surprise yourself. It doesn't really smell like how Tom describes it.

@Shelley Shalimar is beautiful on some people. On me it's like burnt rubber mixed with vanilla :(

@Pooja_G Haha! You ignored the warning didn't you :)

@Vertu Thanks for reading hon.

@Scarlett O' Hara Thanks Scarlett.

Viya ;) said...

YUCKKKK!! EWWW!!! damn! i should have stopped at the warning it self! :|
I seriously can't believe these kind of perfumes actually exist!!
I had a tough time choosing a perfume for my friend just yesterday.. they have such beautiful ones.. :)
Very informative post.. This is def gonna teach me not to sniff any random perfume now! :P

Su said...

Sex sells for sure!

As for Shalimar, Black Orchid, LOVE both! SL Kublai Khan, I like. Can't stand Tabu. Secretions Magnifique is like trying too hard to make a bad perfume. WHY?!

Vulva one is creepy!

I am waiting to see what Lady Gaga comes up with. If she makes something sick, people will not be buying it. At least it will not be another syrupy sweet celebrity scent.... Or it may be, coz that's the stuff that sells.

Thanks for the great post, made me laugh and disgusted at the same time :)

Pandora`s Box said...

@Su Shalimar is such a classic. I envy people who can rock this. Black orchid is confusing me. Love it 1 min hate i the next. Strange. Can't stand tabu as well. I haven't tested secretions magnifique as yet but I would like to someday. I want to know how a combination of coconut, milk, sandalwood iris etc can smell so bad. Thanks for stopping :)

Pandora`s Box said...

@Viya hehe! hope I haven't put you off testing perfumes for life.

Viya ;) said...

haha no!.. i hardly care about perfumes but recently i have started collecting few.. and rite now the P.S i love you one is pretty much my fav. one rite now.. and i love vanilla flavoured ones anyday!

Aiman said...

yucks!....weirdo people do wierdo stuff. Wearing such perfumes is one such thing. Honestly SICKO is the word.

Anyways you have written a very good piece of writing. Amusing, informative and revolting at same time.

Shang J. said...

GR-REAT post! Scratch that. GR-OSS post :P I didnt even know that there are perfumes that smell bad o.O Well, well, the world's creepy.

Pandora`s Box said...

@ AIman yar the settings were enabled all along. Don't know what the problem was. Khair now you can comment :)welcome and thanks for reading.Yes the world is full of all kinds of people. That's what makes it interesting :)

Pandora`s Box said...

@Shang J. check out the expression of that pervert in the vulva ad.LOL :p

Areej Usman said...

nOW tHAT is a Post!! Interesting though!

Sofie said...

thanks so much :D

Segments of Life said...

Very interesting post. Nice to know so much about perfumes, even the bad ones I guess lol... I wish people would stop trying to create controversial ones and just try to make great perfumes.

Staci - Makeup Chic Blog said...

I have never heard of any of these...and i'm kind of glad!

Sara.H said...

I am AMAZED right now. VERY interesting post. I was literally laughing reading about VULVA. Who would wear that? Must be some crazy perv.

Ata Alibrandi said...

Awesome I actually wear shalimar pretty often! hahaha I have one that I borrow from my grandma!!!

Pandora`s Box said...

@Sophie and Areej Thanks :)

@segments of life i totally agree.

@Sara.H Yeah like the guy in the add lol

@ Ata Alibrandi Wow! A vintage bottle of shalimar. You are sooo lucky. The formulation of shalimar has been changed since then. I bet ur grandma has the original gem.

ZatZ said...

VULVA? Hehe! God the height of silliness LOL

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Anonymous said...

lol eeew! I've heard about the perfume that lady gaga wants to make, and some of the other ones just sound yucky! lol I liked this post, very entertaining ^.^

Fashion.MakeUp.LifeStyle said...

EEWWW...Disgusting!!!! LOL really enjoyed reading this post.

<3 Marina

Corina Muru said...

I'm not a perfume person, I just have 2(ok, about 4 I think :D) that I use untill the bottels are empty :)). But your blog looks great, and I love the way you write. Also, this creepy post is my favourite so far:)), very very interesting.

Evil Nelly said...

i really had a great time reading this! so fascinating! I ve never really had a chance to test any of the above mentioned fragrances(?)... the picture of the creepy dude had me in splits, he looks like a guy I know, and I am gonna give him hell! muhahahaha
waiting for the day L'Eau D'Gaga hits the stores.. wonder what the top notes would be (menstrual blood? feces? mystery meat?)

Burcin said...

Yea, this post was a little too much for me! I didn't finish reading! But it was very informative, I can't believe that there are such gross perfumes out there!

Jill of all Trades. said...

Yuck yuck yuck! The blood/semen one!

Did they run out of ideas for new perfumes?
Yuck yuck yuck yuck!

Annusya ^-^ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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